A new year 2018

A new year....

Winter is here.

 Nature gets ready to nestle into her cold bed as the blanket of snow packs down hard. All creatures know it is time to rest and hibernate. It is the last phase of an endless cycle of the 4 seasons. The surface is cold and unforgiving as is the moods of depression, beaten holiday spirits with stress and anxiety, and the heavy burdens of unresolved emotions pressured to be claimed before the year end. I furiously write out resolutions that will never see the light of day , the knowing of which secretly looms in the unseen of my  unconscious mind  with fear and destain. 

Beneath this tundra of fragile and frigid stillness is an aliveness. A beating pulse of genuine desire. An emotion birthing within the confines of a new born heart ready to take on the expansiveness of the universe. A hot glow of creativity, passion and zeal. 

Unconditional love.

Its  roar of freedom is thunderous and deafening yet muffled beneath the icy cold surface of despair. I summon the strength of the ages and with a cry of anguish coupled with joy, I surrender. 

I let go.

It is with this liberating act I find the Herculean stamina to  exit my inertia of what has felt like an eternal ice age and rise towards the gloom. I break free from the chains of the burrows of my mind. I emerge from the darkest depths of the ego branded with fear. I feel my warm hand pierce the white surface of pure cold snow. I poke my head out to breathe the crystalline air of freedom. I crawl  out of the prior year into a new year. Yet this is not about the new year it is about the new versions of You and Me. 

It is from the depths of our sadness, hopelessness, abandonment of ourselves that we are are resurrected with conviction of love for our Self and the divinity of others. It is the courage of this very conviction that will anchor us feet first into a new world, a new earth unfolding beneath our feet. With our awakened eyes we see the universe with compassion, understanding and the expansiveness of our own hearts in others. We connect in this new year to the blue lit sky, the far off  pinpoint  stars, the endless worlds of infinite universes and the boundless beings around our very person. Top to bottom and back again the pillar of our own light finds the solace that you and I so desperately seek in the name of Love. 

A new year arrives. Pomp and celebration to some. Fear and despair unto others. The calendrical feat does not cast judgement or prejudice. It is steam roller of time, " out with the old, in with the new" it proclaims with jolly laughter. The past is the past. And that is where our old stories should remain. Surrender is the release. It is the transmutation of our unchanging immortal  spirits as we dive into a changed temporary physical form from one year to the next. 

Love is the fire that burns bright and so immeasurably as it metabolizes the plagues of my past into a transformed future. I sit on top of the fallen snow amongst friends, family and mySelf in front of my sunny raging fire, sharing songs of the delightful future, and behind me lies the shattered hole from whence I rose, deep deep below the blackness of my former hate. 

Will you join me?

Hailing  you a Happy New You and New Year. 

Wishing you a healthy, prosperous and magical everything, with love. 

the Solstice, she is here

The Solstice, she is here.

Dec 21 not just another day that arrives after Dec 20. It is the beginning of the winter solstice. A harmonic balance is achieved as in the Northern hemisphere the first day of winter heralds  a time of slowing down and inward reflection. While in the Southern hemisphere the beginnings of summer and  the outward expression of the inner knowing. As I begin to slow down the pace of my mind to align with this divine day, the beating heart of my soul paces faster to cultivate the world within. All that is hidden from sight is unearthed to the surface to gear up to the nature's spring of my soul. 

The  Dark Night of the Soul is the Winter solstice that longs for the cleansing of mind, body and spirit. The Solstice is more than a calendrical or celestial event. It is a portal of divinity and transformative light that allows the battle of  the hours of light and dark to synchronize and unravel the messages of a sacred heart. Digging deeper unravels the higher frequencies of my destiny that lay dormant. Connecting my spark of divinity to that of the fires of illumination of a Cosmic Essence is the process that is unleashed with the Solstice. 

She asks of me nothing but my earnest desire to travel from my heart to my mind and then back again to my heart space from where I was created with the enormity of love that will manifest. It is the journey back that is the hardest for which I ask the Solstice for her patience and support as my egoic mind will certainly put up a valiant fight. All that pains must be healed and balanced in order for a synergistic relationship with the self and the Self be forged. Light is shed upon the darkness of my wounds as the outward time of daylight begins to increase, so too  I feel the breath of renewed energies fill my being.  On this day of bordering light and dark, the veils of the universal knowing begin to be lifted and a glimpse into my own inner vibrancy is revealed. 

The balance is restored as the Southern Hemisphere initiates its blooming of spring. Hibernation gives way to the blossoming of a resolved heart. Tapping into the field of infinite consciousness nurtures my spirit for the long sleep allowing the engine within to cleanse all that must be metabolized.  Divided the energies are different yet together they are the whole. The winter feminine inner reflective energy is connected to the summer masculine outward energies of the planet that affords me the opportunity to create an accountable and responsible future. With this polarity a direction of  travel is born.

Ask of the Solstice your innermost hopes, dreams and desires to be brought into the light. Allow the inner traumas to be healed and resolved. Give yourself permission to become whole. 

What calls your heart? Listen. 

I am sorry

I am sorry

There are days that just feel wrong. All I can say is " I am sorry" and then wait. No words are formulated and no preconditioned responses can be regurgitated. Immersed in the throes of patient care, it is very easy to be fully focussed on treating the disease and not the human being in front of you. Compassion and empathy are tools of necessity yet there are times when I feel inadequate with even these in my armamentarium. The best example is when I have to inform the patient about bad news. Their health is failing or they need to undergo a major invasive life changing procedure. Yes it may be for their benefit, yet the shock is at times too much for patient and provider. Regardless of disease be it cancer or heart disease or anything beyond a bunion removal ( being facetious) the seriousness hurts our psyche and fears set it.    As physicians we are taught through experience to dawn the time honored tough coat when breaking bad news. Unfortunately, this strips me of my humanity as well as rendering me naked with compassion and pain as I wait for the information to create some assemblance in the patients' distraught mind. 

The wait can feel like an eternity, yet it passes with tears, fears and anger that finally reach the surface. No one ever wants to hear bad news about their health, yet it is the product of an ailing body that will aways fail or succumb to unwanted disease. When the anguish has settled a new opportunity arises that must be seized by both patient and physician. The patient can be pulled out from the blackness of almost despair by the ropes of connection and security in an undestined relationship to begin a different path.

The tough news once catabolized gives way to the avenues of healing. This is a special journey as both the patient and the healer partake. Healing is always two ways with healer also benefitting. With a sense of genuine love for another human being, there lies the cultivation of healing that has infinite potential  of success. When both healer and patient bridge the gap of disease and treatment the seemingly endless horizon till better health does not seem that vast. Anything and everything can be shifted with the energy of love. 

When holding space for a patient, friend, or family member I would suggest involving this powerful  energy in the mix. What unfolds is boundless healing. I can say " I am sorry..... " but I can also say " Let's get you feeling better" ( from a space of love).

You can too. 

Last one standing

Last one standing

Ever wonder what happens to everyone? Ambiguous certainly. You and I walk the streets daily sometimes making eye contact with passerbys, and sometimes totally absorbed in our heads we miss our fellow humans. Yet what if you saw someone for the last time before they went about their daily routine only to never complete their day. Who would remember them? Family, perhaps. However what if you were the last person to their last imprint of a memory. Would you honor that memory? What responsibility of consciousness would you bear?  

I had a patient recently who had come to the office for a check up. He walked out of the office and left the building and turned a street corner and was randomly shot. I will never see him again. Yet I and everyone else continue their day once the brief mourning has passed. The memory of that person is always etched into my subconscious. Moreover, I have grown to realize that any person I meet or pass by can live their last breath after I see them, or vice versa. We are all connected in a vast pool of consciousness, unfortunately my mind like presumably yours,  is so distracted that it does not comprehend the presence of another until it is fully forced into the moment of now. 

Imagine the awesome strength of shifting a gaze and acknowledging the essence of another being as we rush about our day halter and skelter. 

We believe we are separate and individual, yet the simple gratitude of our lives is not enough  to accept the idea that we are not separate and moreover part of a cohesive mass of collective consciousness. It is easy to reconnect once inebriated with love. As the  awakening of the spirit occurs it is not just the acceptance of another that materializes, but the tolerance and the acknowledgment of myself becomes paramount. And so I recognize the nature of others as part of the oneness of all. In doing so I now can mourn the loss of any departed soul more fully and can bid them farewell on their journey regardless of the circumstances of their death. A more fitting adieu of a fellow being through memory and a heart felt acknowledgment that they even existed is sometimes all any of us need in life and not just in the years after death. 

Humbly stay present and silently note people and nature around you. I try not to be so in my head that I fail to account for my surroundings. With each recognition of another you also are acknowledged and validated. This is just as much an exercise for yourself than simply being on a vigil of all around you. This is not a mission of political handshaking to every stranger on the road to support your cause, but more an opportunity to connect with another soul in physical form. 

Time is limited, don't be that last one standing or the forgotten . 

A tale of a coffee bean

A tale of a coffee bean

Long have I held the notion that the relationship of coffee beans and water in that the latter transforms the former. In all my time of studying the bean and trying to become a barista I have never had such an ephony so stunning as now. Well firstly a little  misnomer. The bean is in fact a fruit, but that is another story. With the quick grinding and the keen proportion of fuming water, the bean is transformed into an aromatic concoction of culinary delight with  the possibility of  innumerable flavors. A tastebud's  dream holiday come true with every sip is every coffee drinkers goal. 

Yet what if the entire notion was wrong and in fact reversed. It is not the water that transforms the coffee bean. It is the bean that transforms the water into the coffee. The magic of the bean infuses and alchemizes the water into another liquid altogether. Only once in human history has a feat such as this been performed that was by one divine person who transformed water into wine. The bean has its own claim to fame and glory as it transforms water into a explosive coffee beverage every day every 90seconds all over the world. 

This has taught me something very profound. A hard bean is able to perform such an amazing task with no want of anything in return. An unconditional one way metamorphosis is rarely seen in nature. Now try to convert the hardest and toughest of personalities  with the single act of love into a magnificent being filled with the flavors of generosity, compassion, decency, humility and integrity. Yes it may be by breaking the hard shell of the bean or person to their very core with the heat of an external stimuli such as the water or life's events in the case of a person. However, the unconditional love is the catalyst of any reaction to begin any process. You and I are fully able to transform from the negative, bitter and hatred filled traits that we may still harbor as humans with a single act of unconditional love. 

Infuse yourself wholeheartedly into the world with unconditional love and find yourself more part of a delightful and grateful planet eager to explore a bright future. You are the best expresso that money cannot even buy, as you bring joy into the world with your attitude and gratitude. 

You are the most delicious way to start and end any day.

Thanks and giving day

Thanks and Giving Day

A memorable day of thanks given for a historic day of kindness and extraordinary unity as a people of one nation welcomed the troubled citizens of another, with an act of peace. Helping a fellow being in unconditional service is as close to touching the divinity within, worth celebrating with pomp and solace as we share a meal on a holiday with family and friends. Homage paid to a single act centuries ago etched in unbroken memory on the pages of past records. 

Yet I simply stop and wonder about the gratitude I must also unconditionally offer to the love of my heart as it stares me in the mirror day after day with passionate kindness and never asking for anything  more, except the innate though forgotten rite to be accepted. My mind and body  having taken a life of their own in a world of fast paced oscillation of order and chaos, have ignored what  they have always been searching for to complete their trifecta. 

The heart space. 

The love of the heart that bares no ill will when enabled to shine its brightest when the chains of ignorance, fears and hatred have been broken. When allowed to be heard, the shroud of misery is tossed aside, and the roar is deafening. The love that connects each of us through our words, actions and deeds such as that historic moment, is lived every day of every second in the feeling behind the thought to assist. Yet one cannot provide assistance to anyone  if the acknowledgment of the Self has not been first made. 

A single feeling, a single thought, a single action ignites the reaction of   a thousand suns all sparked from a space of love. A big bang reaction if you will that originates from a singular point in time and space. 

You. 

It is You that makes that difference.

A gratitude spell that sparks the love of You waiting with bated breath holds the key to untold miracles and magic of epic proportion and soulful ascension. A giving of thanks is not just of an ancient event in history, but more humble gratitude   of the  heart space of the people who sparked such a com-memorable   event. It is that same heart space that has transcended all of human history. It is the same heart space that began human history. It is the same heart space that the future will call "You, Me, Us."

Take a look in the mirror today and take a long or brief moment for the love that is You......it has waited your whole life for this event. Afterwards, the mystery unfolds.

Happy Thanks Giving. 

Can't afford to live

Can't afford to live.

My day started as it always does with the bustling of patients in the busy office practice. With each person a different set of issues that need to be addressed and in that time as much  healing  as possible to be processed. Then along comes a client who stomps you dead in your tracks with their complaint that you cannot hope to deliver a satisfactory outcome and you question your role as  physician in the cogwheel of health care. 

He had had numerous heart attacks and for the litany of ailments he was forced to take numerous medications. He looks at me with the weight of the world bowing his small shoulders, and sunken eyes recessed with little sleep. Haggard and disheveled he attempts a smile as I walk in the room. I ask him how is he doing and how can I help him? His response has haunted me yet. "Doc it is too expensive to live." I curiously inquired to clarify his statement. He replies dejected " I can't afford to live." 

My heart sank with these replies to a low I had not experienced till then. Tears rolled down both our eyes as we understood the nature of his predicament of the costs of medications, insurances, living costs and so on and so forth. With rising costs of everything, and with ailing health, he was broken. His very core was damaged almost irreparably. Almost. We dried our tears and discussed his financial, and health situation. He was more concerned about the money to pay  for the fuel to his aging car to even come to the appointment. He vented about the disparity of incomes and the dwindling job market. At times such as this, there is only space for healing by being silent and listening. The best medication was too costly for him, yet the cheapest therapy was the act of holding space for his grief to metabolize  and unfold into whatever form it was to undertake. The pause to listen to the barrage of the speaker is in itself the very act of spontaneous healing that many crave for, and  not just from their health care professionals yet also from a friend or spouse. 

I have no great solution to solve his finances as I struggle with my own. I have no greater ideas for his health care other than the  brilliant plans I had already set into motion for him, as I struggle with my own. I had only to offer my silence, as I struggle with my own need for silence to allow my heart and mind to not out pace each other, awaiting to be heard. When the conversation was then offered back to me for suggestions we uncovered some possibilities for him to seek out local resources for shelter, and for food and improving his employment opportunities. I offered to help him with some costs of medications, yet he was too embarrassed to  take money from me, as he stayed in gratitude that we had the chance to talk. That was it. Talk. I completed my doctoring duties of the examination and we bid each other farewell. As he walked out I quietly slipped into his jacket pocket enough cash to fuel his car and getting his prescriptions filled. 

It is not for doctoring that I see patients. It is for healing. It is not for advice that a friend unloads their problems to you. It is for healing. It is not for pity that a spouse unloads their days events at your feet. It is for healing. Healing begins with listening. It is that easy. Yet the hardest thing we can do, is to pause from our own unhealed wounds to allow someone else to heal. Yet in doing so what I have now come to realize that I heal myself expeditiously by unconditionally offering the listening that in turn is the healing for both involved. 

Listen and heal, heal and listen. 2 way street.