Abundance, it is just not enough

Abundance, it is just not enough

If I only had more time then I would be able to accomplish so much more in my day. If I only had more money then I would have the financial freedom to really live my life. If I only had more health and energy I would be able to exercise and change my life style. If only people would like or love me then I could be something more than I am. These are phrases that I hear all the time, and not just from people I meet or know, yet also from my own subconscious. I am certainly not devoid of these voices. 

When I feel I need more time I find that a slight shift in thinking gets me just that. So during a vacation for example, when I have all the time in the world to be free to do anything I choose to do ( within the confines of all the  family things I have to do hahaha), I find that out of a week long vacation, it is in fact the 6th or 7th day I wakeup and actually decide to do anything that I in fact need to do. This eventually leads to the frustration of not having enough time for chores or restful vacation, hence leading to more negative emotions, in other words craving for a vacation from my vacation ! Similarly, the concept of lack of enough money. The more money I have, the more I will automatically spend. The less I have the more negative emotions that ensue that I do not have enough, and " only if I had enough money then I could.... this or that." Once again the lack of abundance idea resurges when I feel that I need to be in better shape or eat better BEFORE I can start to exercise or live healthier. This will never happen, trust me on this one. Thousands of excuses from unrelenting mindsets will rear their ugly heads to tell me that I now need the time to exercise (which I do not have) or the money to join the gym or eat healthier (that is in scarcity)  and the cycle continues as I then one day  find myself sitting on the couch, glued to a TV, becoming more de-conditioned, living a life of unfulfilled dreams, and then my ego says " I TOLD YOU, this wasn't enough" 

Limiting thoughts have limiting results. We all rely on others to make us happy, such that we forget that unconditional love for  another will boomerang back to ourselves if we let it go. How can a baseball player ever hope to win a game if they never hit the ball with the bat? I try to catch my self with these mindsets  all the time. It is hard, I know, I get it. I realized that it was not having a value attached to the concept of abundance that was part of my problem. If I were immortal and had all the time in the universe, I would do and learn absolutely nothing. If I had all the money in the world I would spend it all and still whine about not having enough. If I had all the resources available to me to change my lifestyle for diet and exercise, I would never do it ( as is clearly evident of the totally unused complete gym in my basement). 

My change came when I let go. I just let go. Stopped chasing time, money, and health. Stopped chasing chores "that had to get done", stopped "trying" to make people like me  by impressing them.  I just stopped. I was almost expecting that I would stop living. Almost. To my surprise, just the reverse manifested. I use whatever "time I have" to do whatever it is I feel that I need to do, be they chores or be they family time or be they experiences. I am often asked how do you pack all that I do in one day? I honestly don't know. I just do. Not chasing helps. Liberates me from wasted energy. It is about trying to achieve freedom through time, money, health or whatever I "believe" is necessary for me to achieve that freedom. Yet this too is a self limiting prophecy as none of these things will actually get me to freedom that I so desperately seek in my mind's eye. The ultimate freedom is from mindsets. Those unintentionally created in youth by anyone for example parents, peers, teachers, passerby's. Any limiting mindsets that have hooked on to me need to be detached. 

My solution is simple. Just do it. Every day do a little of the things your heart desires. Whether I want to learn an instrument, eat healthier, start exercising, read those stack of books, tackle a mountain of sorting of cupboards. I tackle each thing with the firm belief that I  have just the right amount of time and resources to help me. Gratitude for the abundance that I have at this time, perpetuates it for the next moment. The vast universe came from an infinitely tiny point as if from a grain of sand.  Imagine how small the universe would have been if it had said " I will never be big enough" !!

Scarcely abundant or abundantly scarce. My choice. 

Keeping up with the joneses

Keeping up with the Joneses

The holidays are all finally over. I look outside my window and discover the enormous work that is still tasked ahead of me. Taking down all the decorations of lights, inside and outside, the christmas tree, the mistletoe, the tabletop plantations of fake gold and silver leaves, and the stockings. Take down, wrap up, package it and put it all away. Hours spent before and after. Enjoying the festivities is one thing yet trying to tally  up with the neighborhood record keeping score of decoration is yet another matter. 

Spring is coming and so is the summer. Out then comes the lawn mower, the weed whackers, the hedge trimmers, the edge trimmers and a whole host of indescribable lawn equipment from my shed that I have never used and clearly do not know how to use.  Probably my nose hair trimmer as well just to make sure the lawn is perfectly finely cut at every corner !! Hours and hours spent yet  again creating a perfect lawn as is the case in most of the lawns in the neighborhood. Keeping up with neighbors is turning into hard work. 

Once the fall season begins, the insane race to clean up every fallen leaf begins. Sometimes with such efficiency that I try to even capture the leaf as it departs from the branch in mid air. To be more productive, just cut the tree down !! Must beat the neighbors from cleaning up their lawns before me, now that would be ridiculous. Of course at this point I am being quite facetious. I wonder if I were to ever keep up with mySelf would I be able to achieve the same satisfaction and joy that keeping  up with the  neighbors brings?

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, such that it can never be satiated.  The unfortunate reality about this level of "keeping up" becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The more I try, the more I  will not succeed, and I try harder. The cycle s self perpetuating till self destruction occurs. Mental and physical exhaustion is the end result that leads to resentment of all. Where does this competition end ? What are its boundaries? Does the thirst to be better with another end in my neighborhood or do I then challenge myself to "keep up" with outside neighborhood friendships, or with family members or time myself against the "better life experiences" of others on social media. Do I take this to the next level and compete with circles at the work place too? Where does this keeping up with appearances end? 

I find that always being on high alert and vigil of observing everything around me,  I am inherently becoming more exhausted. When I let go of this tiresome activity of comparison and competition  and  am more cognizant of my emotions, feelings and thoughts, I find more peace. It is not competing on the outside that is as important as is keeping up with my  own personal internal maintenance, or my  own inner decoration or celebration. With practice I find that I am getting more efficient and productive in keeping up with mySelf than with the Joneses. Perhaps by improving my mindsets, I automatically improve my efficiency in all that I do on the outside as well.  

Keeping up with the Joneses? I think not, let the Joneses keep up with me.