Setting fire to the rain

Setting fire to the rain

Anger, hatred, frustration are the invitations to a cacophony orchestra that play outs in my head regularly. The discordant chords harass my mind, heart and spill into my day that perpetuates into a self fulfilling prophecy of chaos. My thoughts lash out at the nearest person in my sight or the punishment to an object within my reach. Such is the nature of uncontrollable anger. It feels like a rain storm of emotions that bombard with torrent. With words I then go about attempting the fool hardy task of setting fire to the rain hoping in the recesses of my peaceful heart to make a change. 

Anger, hatred and frustration are all stones on the emotional catapult hurled at the unexpected castle of obstructions that are presented before me. Yet it is I who must pull the trigger or find the resolve to remove the trigger finger. It is the pause before the actual firing that is in fact a millisecond of eternity where in all realms of possibility exist. It is here where I make the choice. To succumb or to resist. That split second decision is shorter than a breath yet sometimes the entire breath is needed to arrive at an alternative decision that leads to an entirely different departure. It is in this breath where the moment of love exists. Love is the glue that may hold the moments together and enable an elastic change to take place. 

I find myself more and more delving into the pause. Embracing the pause. Nestling with in the pause. Discovering the unfolding love within the pause. Discovering a different choice, and so enjoying an alternate  destination. I am no longer drowning in the rain storm of my environment's infinite stimuli. I am no longer burned by the heat of the fire of my emotions. I simply collect the rain into my bucket of the pause and pour it on the fire. 

A pause is simple. So is love. Setting fire to the rain ? Nah , I have better things to do, for the fire of my mind  has died down and the rain of fears has departed. 

I may need a bigger bucket though  :)

..................

I Love You

valentine's day

Valentine's Day

Flowers bought in bunches, candy and chocolates fly off the grocery store shelves, elaborate cards saying three little words " I love you" are ferociously signed, and tasteful dinners  are planned. If we are lucky to have that special someone in our lives to share with our journey we offer them a token of our appreciation for their continued interest in our lives as if in some shameless hidden corner of our minds we say "Thank you for putting up with me." Perhaps the feelings that one offers their significant other is actually genuine. Yet one can only  feel genuine feelings when one is genuine within. 

This is the nature of the discovery that we all seek. The search for the crucible of intimacy of our ' other' that is in fact our Self. It is the kindling of this light that gives us the peace such that we may truly shout out " I love only You, and  I forsake all others." Our other half that mirrors qualities of our outward physical partner is in fact the essence of ourselves that longs to acknowledge that level of intimacy with us. It is not just one special day that we celebrate this unveiling path yet more of a daily occurrence. Every night we dissolve our selves and our Self into the myriad of dreams and return as one spirit and each day as we awaken into our conscious selves the separation and fear begin anew with the hope of finding our Self again, yet we reach out each day for that physical conscious person instead to substitute the apparent loss of our Self. 

The search for bliss and joy, happiness, resolution of all problems is part of the  unending dance with ourselves through the forests of anxiety, anger, insecurity and frustrations. It is in this plethora of movements that we encounter an invitation of Love.

Love appears as scared, confused, and uncertain of itself at times. 

Love is naive and non judgmental.

Love is curious and playful. 

Love learns quickly and adapts.

Love grows stronger, resilient yet malleable. 

Love is pure and remains just so in its steadfastness.

Love requires no expectations.

Remove the expectations you have of another and you remove the burden off yourself. The pressure to fulfill a role that is outward and not inward is always met with great distress. So on this commercially marked day of recognition of the Love for another,  spend a few valuable moments with gratitude for the one partner that has not nor will not ever let you down, or expect anything from you in return. Celebrate the intimacy of You and yourself, complete as one. 

Happy Valentine's Day...... happy Day of You.

................

I Love You

Falling apart

Falling apart

For decades have I created ever stronger shields that have encircled me from harm. Bigger, wider and stronger. Warm and snug I am ever further immersed into their protection. Shields created over time of constant falling apart and then putting back together. Every hurt, every pain, every wound triggered through life's experiences manifested by psychic bandages to keep me safe. Me? My heart. It is the vulnerability that we shy away from with every subsequent encounter with the same trigger. That same confrontation of that person, the same meeting of the experience, the same anger, the same hate, the same prejudices to a heart that understands only one language. The literacy of love. And so the fear of vulnerability hardens the once soft core into a shell of lies, deceit and untruths told to ourselves by our ego driven mind, till one day the eyes that look back at you in the mirror beckon your awakening.

Falling apart and  putting ourselves together is natural. Yet unnatural when in a state of our origin. The state of love. In the aliveness of the womb we are not satiated with such stimuli that will forge us into invincible beings. The innocence of "us" is what we search for in every encounter out of the womb. Its preservation is paramount. If unsuccessful we "fall apart" when the love of our world disappoints, or the hope of the reality we expect falters or the  ideal we hold dear dissolve from under us. We then "put ourselves back together" with psychic glue, emotional duct tape and verbal staples. But for how long? Days, weeks, months. Inconsequential quotients of time till the next trigger. Shields form, layer after layer, and hence decades role by and I find myself hardened to indifference, injustice, and blatant prejudice. 

However it is in this same vulnerability I have the chance to heal. Resolve the experience as it manifests. Learn from it. Allow the light of my heart to shine out and radiate and not be trapped in a box of fear. The tenderness of the heart to  truly feel and embrace the experience in its entirety without the sheltering.Then something amazing happens. I grow. I learn to adapt and become stronger out of the experience and not shy away from any similarity of repeat stimuli. The rawness of the wound finally heals completely. 

This is emotional conscious evolution. This is why I am here. To experience, to learn, to now know. 

It is in the aliveness of the fragility of the human heart that I acknowledge a fundamental element.

 Love. 

It is a torch light of hope that burns carefully in some, and carelessly in others. 

Love.

It is a beacon of our star lit heritage as we walk into an uncertain mortal future.

Love. 

Falling apart is falling from Grace. Yet falling can transform into flying. Only with love. 

Do you dare to believe in your own vulnerability? I do.