Resolution

Resolution

This word haunts me like a my own shadow on many a non cloudy day. I make resolutions daily that are just as easily broken by nightfall. If I am brave enough the resolution will last till sunrise. What do I do? How do I make a resolution stick? Worry, fear, self doubt all coalesce into my shadow and make the resolution even less tangible.  However,   I am not alone in this pursuit of the holy grail of resolution building and creation. Most of us fall into this habit pattern. The beginning of the year is an auspicious time in our minds to forge a resolution yet in fact we make them daily. " I will become better at....." , " I will not do this or that.....", " I will strive to do and fulfill my goal of......". And so on and so forth. As many thoughts that traverse my fickle mind, there are an equal number of resolutions that are created to absolve them. 

Does this mean I am a weak individual ? Does this mean that I will always fail and never fulfill any goal or intention set by my heart? Perhaps the answer lies in the definition of the word resolution.

To resolve means to find a solution to a problem. Ponder on this for a while longer than it takes your mind to spin you like a top and let your heart have a voice. The answer is simple yet so immeasurably life giving. 

" You are not the problem" my heart replies when diligently asked. 

My mind snorts emphatically " Well of course you are the problem, what else could be wrong in a perfect world"

It is at this point my Higher Self interjects and chooses to be heard. 

" You are not the problem as the way you showed up in your current life is exactly meant to be the way you are. "

I am not the problem.

I was relieved. And so should you be.

We are not problems to be resolved. We are meant to experience everything exactly the way we choose the experience to be. Good or bad. It is an experience. To be. Just be. This is a VERY hard concept for the mind to wrap itself around as it stems from hosts of infinite experiences good and bad that must compute our odds of survival from one minute to the next, sometimes one second to the next. Yet it is outside the experiences looking in that we find the moment of the present. The moment of Now that unfolds into a universe of love, lack of doubt and understanding with compassion and joy to know that we are fine. 

You are not a problem to be resolved. No resolution required. Instead we are sparks of infinite magic patiently awaiting our time to shine like stars in the night sky. Yet without the darkness, a star can never shine. So too experiences of all kinds must come forth. The darker they are, the greater we shine as the day gives way to the night, so too the night returns with the offering of the dawn. Self love presents as the fire that burns bright within us that dissolves the "problem" that we are portrayed with as having. 

Time to shift my thinking. Better to create an intention, fueled with love, and manifest a sun that sustains, than to create resolutions fueled with perceived problems that fail. 

Re-solution? I think not. More like Re-freshed, Re-charged, Re-newed, Re-juvenated. 

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

In the rare quiet moments of myself I find myself forgiving. Forgiving others that have hurt me, forgiving situations that have affected me, forgiving the people closest to me that have either belittled me or taken me for granted. Deeper I go, the more raw the wounds. These have never really healed, instead they have been camouflaged with the proverbial bandage of dismissal. Most of us are well versed from a young age to grow shields around our wounded hearts and managed to "shoo" away the darkness that shadowed our lonely heart in a desperate effort of self preservation. Yet dismissing the insult is a akin to putting away a half read interesting book on the highest of shelves secretly hoping to have the time to read it later, but also acknowledging that the location of where it sits high on the book shelf, the odds are remoter still of accessing it. 

In the quietness of my heart these wounds call out for absolution. The ego calls it vengeance, my soul calls it forgiveness. A wound must be opened, debrided and given the opportunity to heal naturally. It is in this where I find that even the rarer moments of myself emerge. Not to forgive another, yet to forgive myself for ever being hurt. To feel the pain, mixed with the unbearable hot salt in to the wound suffers the agony yet also is the antiseptic that is needed to enable healing. I realize I cannot live my life without ever letting my heart from being wounded for that is how I will grow and evolve. However it is in these hurts I learn to forgive others AND myself and learn to not be hurt again. 

This lesson is not taught so that I may roam free with arrogance and hatred for others so that my shield is strong enough to never feel. Quite the contrary. The biography of the biology of forgiveness for myself begins with myself embracing compassion. Yet again this does not begin with the age old idiom of "compassion for others first" but more "compassion for myself first" . The "others" is mySelf. If I am not fully healed what hope do I ever have of healing others through my compassion and forgiveness when my very own cup is never full. A cup of love that runs over spills its contents over an infinite sized table. A full cup spills it infinitely over the entire table. 

Compassion and forgiveness have long held hands in their journey to love. Both must begin with the Self and for the Self before they reach out any where.  Different yet same. Compassion is the tool through which forgiveness is forged. Compassion understands where forgiveness accepts. The duality of the two are manifest in the face of Love. Each cheek surround this face. At times both are slapped to awaken the love within the heart space. 

Forgive others who insult you? Sure. 

Compassionately forgive yourself for ever being hurt.  

Slowing down

Slowing down

I am always in a rush. I suspect you are too. I always have to be in at least 3 places at once. Family life, work life, personal life, all blend in at times as I forget the boundaries and enable the overlay of these worlds into one quagmire of confusion. Work chores being done at home. Personal life being delayed due to home chores. Home activities delayed due to work. Life begins for me at 200mph. Or at least so says the sign on my garage door just before I enter the house. For far too long have I lived with this notion of speed is everything. The faster I do things, the more I can achieve. Ergo the more I achieve, the better I am. The "better I am", the faster I can do things. And so the spinning wheel accelerates each day. Forwards or backwards I am yet unclear which direction it spins. 

I am learning a new concept. Slowing down. As the perception of time genuinely speeds  up these days, leaving me with the apparent feeling of being "out of time" I began to slow my own pace. Reducing the speed at which I do things by being fully engaged in the present moment has in fact helped me enormously to "control" time. I am now able to realistically accomplish more and more in less and less time by being in the present rather than the past moment  or the future moment yet to come. 

Slowing down the thoughts of my chatter ful mind to match the speed of my body ( which mind you is not getting any younger). Then concurrently slowing down my aging body  to the resonance of the speed of my heart. As I emanate only love for the moment, it directly translates in to love for my thoughts, words and actions that thus ensue. The unconditional love vibrates at a pace of manageable time and space and manifests just the same. The slower rate of thought that is now regulated by the engine of the heart is then transformed into clearly transmitted words and dutiful actions in the world of numerous dimensions. Much like a train carting along several carriages at the same speed, so too the engine of my heart tempers the speed of my mind and body and my translated reality into one that does not exceed the speed limit of chaos and wear and tear of my psyche. 

Learning to love was my first key to slowing down. Love for myself, my surroundings and my moments. It was also the key to ignite the fire to start my long train of carriage full of ablutions regardless of category. I was always at fault for trying to control my external environment in order to gain as-semblance of my internal environment. As it turns out I was wrong. Starting at the heart and then working my way outward was far more productive and fruitful. Statements such as " It ain't easy..." or " I will try" or   "I can't because of ..." or " but..but ....but.." were soon left at the doorsteps of my own fears and ignorances. 

I chart new dimensions at a different pace. A speed of the heart. So can you.