Idle conversations

Idle conversations

Whine, Whine, Whine. This particular habit is an infectious one. In any conversation with anyone, you will slowly find that the gist of the matters spoken slowly digress and flow towards unnecessary speculation and eventual gossip. It is human nature. It stems from primitive times and extends to modern day as an effort to keep our own personal egos ahead of the game. Misery loves company and so we generate negativity in discussions through conversation between two people, between a crowd, and between social groups on media sites. There is a fine line that we walk differentiating commenting about someone or some particular situation and complaining about the same. With the ever increasing popularity of the internet media groups we can complain or write a negative review very readily from our phones, tablets, computers with such rapidity that you do not even realize that someone or some establishment's reputation has been tarnished overnight. At what point does this circle of idle conversations eventually turn on itself, and you become the topic of discussion.

 

The lines between commenting and complaining are blurred when we are not aware that such a  line exists. No one is saying live in a box and do not speak to anyone, as this alone will eliminate idle conversations. On the contrary, join in the conversations and comment away, but doing so gives you the responsibility and the ability to avoid the speech from taking a sourly direction. If you choose to fill the idle conversations with complaining, also go right ahead, but be prepared when the wheel comes a full turn in your direction as it most certainly will. Where do these idle conversations even come from? They are basically speeches from the "idle" mind, and mixed in with others of "like" mind, a conversation ensues.  But how can a mind be idle? This is the one thing that we have that unfortunately does not slow down even for an instant. Humming birds and fire flies cannot keep up. With lightening speeds our minds race from topic to topic, and just like slowing down an uncontrollable car on a small stretch of road does have its perils,so does harnessing a raging bull of a mind, and the result is namely idle chit chat. We need to be able to regulate the diet of a conversation with controlling the direction and the speed of our minds. Becoming more alert when we talk, means we are more present in the moment with ourselves, which translates into a more "meaningful" conversation. We can then truly speak from soul to soul and not body to body.

 

There is an old phrase "Silence is golden." This does not mean shut up. This means pause, reflect, think and then speak if needed. It also means that silence and a quiet mind is very prize worthy and spirtually expensive. WE are all searching for enlightenment and a peaceful coexistence. An agitated mind does not allow for these qualities to foster and be promoted. Idle thinking, Idle conversation, idle activity. A natural progression, that we see in inner cities with gangs, riots and general misdemeanors. We hear people say "Watch what you say," giving the impression that harm may befall you if you do not. However, what if you simply watch what you think, and if you only think good thoughts, you speak in the same fashion, ergo good karmic activity. Many a time when you make international phone calls, or use phone card plans, you have to wait while you are punching in  numbers before you finally type in the number to whom you are calling. These extra numbers are similar to the extra few moments that one should pause before saying anything. 

Try this little exercise. Do not reply instantly or jump into a conversation in the heat of it. Pause a few moments, breathe, think and then act and you will find that your part of the conversation is more noteworthy and cherished. You will surprise yourself. You will automatically change from the habitual negative complaining, turning into a calmer more positive tone. Your entire under current and demeanor will change. An idle engine wastes fuel, and so is the same for your mind. An idle mind wastes the abilities to be creative, joyous and happy. An idle conversation wastes the chances of meaningful connections. An idle action wastes the opportunity to serve and do good.

Lets meet for some good conversation over a cup of coffee :)

Rock hopping

Rock hopping

I had been on vacation last year, and the most important aspect of that trip I vividly remember was the rock hopping. Beautiful sandy beaches extended out into the blue ocean.The beach rocks in all their shapes and sizes lay out there for at least a mile as they eventually formed the sea barrier with coastline. Jagged, sharp, smooth, flat, large, small, brown, grey, wet, dry,oval, square, rectangular, some up and down at different levels. They all sat there waiting to climbed. So that is exactly what I did. I jumped from rock to rock, watching my footing carefully, but very engrossed in the actual jumping and landing, obviously one wrong step and you fall on the wet rock. Before I knew it i had managed to traverse a kilometer. I paused to get my breath. I looked around and I realized I was out quite far on to a rock jetty into the ocean, leaving land some ways away. The view was breath taking as I was surrounded by only ocean. I sat down on the rocks and took it all in. Several things dawned on me.

 

Firstly, I was so focussed on the act of jumping and looking at the rocks, I did not see where my excitement and exercise was taking me. I was not focussed on the direction just the journey and even though I was in the moment and feeling very alive, I was not concentrating on my surroundings. I realized I had to find the balance  between being in the moment and seeing the big picture. But the jumping was so much fun, that I was really alive.  So being in the moment, makes you feel alive, which in turn makes you happy and fun. Doing what you love to do, and having fun doing it, makes you more alive.

 

Secondly, having reached the end of the rocks and found myself at this juncture with the ocean view, I decided to take it all in. Sometimes life takes you in directions where you did not intend but by being in the moment you are going to reach a good destination.  You are inherently being driven by yourself to where you wish to go by your own intentions, whether you are aware of it or not.  When you get to the destination, enjoy it, regardless of your original plans, since the universe sometimes helps you when you really are least expecting it.

The following days, I decided to have the same fun experience, and out I went each day with the same vigor. To my surprise I discovered that despite the destination was the same, the path I took was different each time. The rocks I was leaping onto were different each day. Sometimes I went further in one direction then turned towards another and sometimes I was able to track a faster course. It all depended on my moment to moment reactions to where I was going and the footing on the rocks before re-leaping. There was no fear in the decisions, and so each leap was a fresh calculated spontaneous successful course correction. This is the same in life when we have a plan to succeed and have a goal in mind yet the path to that goal varies each day. However with the right intentions, and clarity of thought, and pure of heart,  the path becomes amorphously more shaped and direct, and attainable. Just do not forget to enjoy the journey and the destination.  Look up from the rock hopping from time to time and know your position in relation to your surroundings and then happily continue. With the pure intention you will get to where you wish to go, with a impure intention you may get some where, not just where you think you ought to be, and perhaps hurt a lot of others and yourself on the way. 

Rock hopping was fun, now let us try rock climbing and get to the top.

Trigger happy reactions

Trigger Happy Reactions

Do you remember the old cowboy western movies? Those fast gun slingers and the great John Wayne portraying the wildness of the wild wild west. The cowboy corral showdowns, with Billy the Kid being the fastest in the west. It was a marvel seeing the gun come out of the holster and the firing of the weapon so fast that all you could see was a small puff of smoke from the barrel of the gun, a distant echo of the firing and then one of the contenders fall dead. You were better the faster you could engage the trigger. So true is this with the nature of our own reactions.

We are quick to judge others without the understanding of circumstances. We are quick to reply back without thinking of an appropriate response. We are quick to act without realizing the consequences of our actions. We are so quick to draw  and pull the trigger first, that sometimes we see the fate of these actions too late, such as when the opponent has fallen. These can be quick responses in anger, in spite, in love, or any emotional state that is too extreme.  If we are not cognizant of our mind  and its dealings then we unfortunately use our emotions as the trigger and aim at who ever is in our sights. The victims may be a little lonely child who is seeking your attention for company but your impatience fires them a scolding. A co worker having a tough time with a task coming to you for advice, but your jealousy belittles them. A friend in need asking for help but your arrogance shames them. A family member seeking love  but your fear shuns them away. A potential job opportunity comes to your door knocking, but your short sightedness severs the connection. 

In these examples what has happened is that you have not used your rational part of yourself to make an informed decision but instead you have resorted to "trigger happy reactions" that will lead to the crumbling of any connection that you could possibly have between yourself and the world around you. These reactions tend to usually disconnect yourself from yourself, which leads to further distancing of yourself with the universe. Then one day you turn around and realize that all your gun slinging has left you alone. You have no one left because everyone and everything  has fled from you either in fear or you have killed everything and everyone around you. This is like the "ghost towns" from the Wild wild west, generally not a nice place to be.  

However all is not lost. Your mind like your gun can be trained. Faster reactions is not better, quicker triggers is not efficient, and sharper bullets  is not more productive.  Mindfulness and patience aids in the understanding and the chance to bring about the right reaction and the appropriate change to circumstances. Being aware allows you to see things from a different perspective, such as that from the view point of the child, the co worker, the friend, the family member and the infinite options waiting for you to pick. Reacting all the time weakens your trigger finger too, leading to finger fatigue, or decision fatigue. When "you" are not involved in making the conscious choices you are the one who suffers in the end game. Your trigger happy reactions change your personality into one of anger, irritability, negativity, and selfishness. I doubt that is how you wish to be remembered when your life is played up in the proverbial movies.

So holster your weapon of the mind, and watch yourself before you unleash it and send bullets of insults, or bad decisions flying in different directions. The gun like the mind is a tool, and in the right hands is either a deterrent or a force of destruction.  Be stead fast in your resolve to do good, and let your energies flow like water. Let your hate float away into the wind, and you enjoy peaceful trigger free days. 

in the words of my favorite movie lines " Do you feel lucky today? Well do you?"

What is your final destination ?

What is your final destination please?

That is the first thing that you are asked at the airport check in ticket counter. Flights may have several stops on the way and then some flights are direct non stop. We always hope to make it to our intended destination, but I am usually more concerned not of myself but of my checked in luggage and whether it will reach safely on time ...... until recently. I was on a long journey on a direct flight from India back to New York. Few hours into the flight there was a medical emergency. There was a fellow passenger traveling by himself and he ended up have increasing breathlessness, fatigue and chest pain. The differential diagnosis is vast, but the life threatening ones are few. Needless to say, he was not getting any better, and the decision was made to emergently  land the plane in Iceland. We landed safely and the passenger was taken off the aircraft by the emergency medical team and he was wisked away to the hospital. We took off and proceeded on our journey to New York a few hours later, after a brief halt on the runway. 

That poor man had every intention to goto New York, JFK airport. He had cleared all the usual hassles of immigration, security check in, and was on the plane, that took off. But it was not his destiny to reach NY at that time . I feel bad that he was left in Iceland by himself, but I am sure he had excellent care thereafter, and he will reach his family at some point. And what of all the other passengers with connecting flights, that all got disrupted. The lesson is that no one really knows what the final destination is going to be, or when it is going to be. Does the" not" knowing make life any less worth living?

If you are told that you have only 6 months to live and after which you will die from a terminal illness, how does this change the course of your actions in life from the time you hear of this till the end? You might decide to be more carefree, let go of worries, forgive, forget, be kinder and more generous, be more humble, slow down, basically live all you can in 6 months. Now what if you did not know that you were going to die in 6 months? Will you continue to live in fear, stress, under pressure, miserable and angry and then be full of regret on your deathbed? None of us really know when we are going to end this vacation on this planet, nor do we know how or where it is going to happen. However we all know that it is going to happen. When we know of a upcoming weather disturbance we prepare for it, what is different about this final destination. It is not like it is going to be a surprise, you just do not know where, when and the how, all small details in the grand scheme of things, wouldn't you say?

It is the journey to the final destination that ends up being of importance.  The character building, the longer lasting friendships, the compassionate legacy that you leave behind is what is remembered and cherished. We can make life into a drudgery or can spark some excitement into it by enjoying the moments. During this flight something very interesting happened. Despite the delay, the change in flight plan, the inconvenience for every  passenger  with connecting flights, no one created a fuss, or got angry. There was no ruckus being created or voiced frustrations.  There was a surprising and resounding calm. Passengers were walking about the aisles and galleys and talking to each other. Many were total strangers just happened to be in the same space at the same time and so communicated. Fate to meet, or meet your fate. One could say that in an emergency situation everyone was helpless and powerless to shout, but I would submit that it is in an "emergency"situation that the human goodness and kindness "emerges" and cooperation occurs. Why does it have to only be in an emergency situation though? If you are ever getting late catching a bus, or the train gets delayed or our meal choice at a restaurant was not up to our satisfaction, why do we start falling back into human tendencies of yelling and screaming? Moreover you might be surprised to see the intriguing things that happen unexpectedly. I have seen many a sun rise, but never one so beautiful as the one on the tarmac in Iceland. 

You can live your life believing your days are numbered or you can number your days. The choice of how you live your journey is up to you. Who says that we have to be afraid of our final destination. I think our final destination is a beautiful one, and this journey can be as fantastic as we would like it to be. The unpredictability and the mortality is what makes the moment to moment existence fun and exciting. I for one look forward to enjoying the trip to the final destination with enthusiasm, vigor and interest. There is so much to learn and experience from moment to moment that the glee cannot be contained,that  is when you know you are alive. Having learnt and experienced everything and there is nothing left is when you know you have lived. 

Enjoy your flight to your final destination, and do not worry about your baggage, it is safe and so are you. 

Falling apart or not yet fully put together?

Falling apart or not yet fully put together?

You come home tired. You get the grocery bags out of the car and at the same time try to pick up the child. Your mind is reeling from the busyness of the day.You put everything down, and start dinner,finally  eat, clean up the kitchen, put the family to sleep, and pause at the foot of the stairs as you look up ready to goto bed, and you whisper to yourself" I am falling apart, " as every bone in your body, and every cell in your brain cries out in pain.This is an interesting phrase that is uttered regularly by most of us, whether you like to admit it or not. At what point do you say enough is enough and make a change? At what point do you try to find better glue to hold yourself together? 

Every individual has their own breaking threshold, which leads to short tempered encounters, anger, bad judgements, wrong choices, and further irritability and frustrations.  The key to not crossing the threshold, is to recognize the limits before they happen, and take the necessary steps to unload and recharge before the breaking point. Putting yourself back together is hard enough, but keeping yourself together is actually easier in the long run. 

There are plenty of ways to put yourself back together. Here are a few examples to get you started. 

-De-cluttering your surroundings at home and at work

-Letting go of unnecessary lists of chores to do. 

-Prioritizing your needs both personal and professional. 

-Understanding your personal space, in mind and body.

-Accept the things you can change and those that you cannot.

-Pick your battles ( or as I like to call it "necessary course corrections")

-Reorganizing your thoughts

There are equally ways of keeping yourself together. Here are a few examples to get you started.

-Regular exercise

-Better and healthier eating habits.

-Meditation

-Spending quality time reconnecting with nature by yourself.

-Making a cake from scratch and then giving it away to some one else as a gift.

-Giving generously and anonymously 

-Laughing 

-Watching children play

-Helping the elderly and sick ( Ironically this gives you a better perspective on life )

-If needed a good cry session by yourself. (This works very well for children, why not for adults?)

You and I were not made by the universal mind of intention to simply fall apart. We were made to last and given the appropriate tools to use at the right time. We all have simply forgotten to use them or too distracted to realize that there is a better way. The only reason why the human race does not just explode at the same time is that everyone's breaking point is variable. Wars occur when these breaking points coalesce. No one is perfect, but perfection is in everyone, the question is whether we choose to see it or keep smashing our heads against the threshold and then whine about it. How tight have you made every part of yourself that when you falter, you fall apart, and cannot put yourself back together? Do not let that happen to you.

What kind of glue are you using today? 

Unclogging your drain

Unclogging your drain.

The bathroom sink drain slows down the flow. Hair, muck, waste, clog it up. Yet another source of frustration in a time crunched and chore filled day. You try filling the sink with hot water and then releasing the lever and hopefully that might work. You try snaking the drain with mechanical interventions. You may even try liquid clog busting agents. You might then give up and call the plumber. 

In any event a lot of time and effort spent with inordinate amount of frustrations. 

With work stress, home stress, and the pressures of this modern day we get tired. With the overload of sensory traffic from all sides through technology we get bogged down. With the constant barraging of our minds, our brains and our bodies with fears, anxieties and negativity we get spiritually clogged. We need a cathartic emotional release at times to help keep the flow going even though the flow may still be slow. We need to find ways of de-clogging our conscious pipes to allow free flowing consciousness into our spiritual pipelines. 

Unplugging each day from the phone, laptop, pager, internet, and television is one such maneuver. Then connecting and talking  to your family  and friends is another. Both allow further increase in flow of your emotionally clogged drain, but then silent meditation and letting go is the best spiritual clog buster. Going to the gym and exercising or meeting a good friend might help, just as much as calling the plumber, however keeping the drains clog free requires more effort and determination. Practice of meditation and being in the moment of your thoughts keeps the continued flow of the conscious. Plenty of sleep helps the unconscious mind to be set free and with it your soul to explore and clean up the sink from all the muck of the day and your life. 

Of course prevention is still a good avenue to keeping your drains free flowing. So preventing yourself from polluting the sink, ergo your mind and your body, with negative thoughts, inflated ego, idle conversations and wasted opportunities help in your efforts. So next time you clog up your spiritual drain, do not throw in the towel and give up. It is your mental sink, fight for it, and keep it clean, or at least use your techniques to keep it from clogging. Use your emotional clog buster agents of meditation and letting go.

Time and effort spent for the convenience of opening a drain priceless, for everything there is MasterCard !  Have you found your spiritual Draino ?

Independence Day, we are free, I am free

Independence day, We are free, I am free.

July 4, 1776 was the day that the United States Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence from the United Kingdom. A celebration for one country and the remembrance of a major loss for another. I am sure the English do not remember this day with the same jubilation that the Americans do, and so it is celebrated with fireworks, parades, gatherings of friends and family for dining, communication and all round frivolity, or simply it can be just a day off work. The history is not always in the forefront in the minds of the people during the festivities yet the symbolism is usually ever present, namely the USA flag.  A proclamation of Independence can be representative of many things. 

Remembering your independence from your  fearful thoughts, your anger, your discouragements can be liberating and certainly a cause for celebration. Without a doubt stepping out of your comfort zone and achieving the independence to breathe  and experience everything in your life as you chose it to be, is certainly rewarding  and worthy of jubilation. Having lived under the imperial tyranny of your doubts, anxieties and set backs, they can leave you down trodden. Realization of a better world to live in for yourself was what the Founding Fathers had strived towards. Yet I am convinced it is the inner freedom that they were trying to instill in us. Each individual free in mind, spirit and  consciousness can collectively broaden humanities hope of freedom as everybody enters a higher level of conscious evolution.

The Declaration of Independence document  is an interesting read.  There is mention in numerous paragraphs of equality, rights of mankind, and freedom. Do you dare to be as bold as the Founding Fathers and put to writing and proclamation your own personal Declaration of self Independence? You can start off by noting that you will not let your fears get you down. Your stressors like the oppressors are there but do not have control of you. Your anxieties are reactions to baseless accusations of your mischievous mind that you are not good enough. Calm your heart and still your mind and let go of all these negative states of thought. Breaking the barriers of your confusion undoes the shackles that have kept you in your zone of comfort for so long. The constraints of others' opinions have lead you to not uncover your true nature and live in a shadowy resemblance of your higher self. 

Declare to yourSelf  "I am free" and live your life full of encouragement, joy, and knowing of your Self. JFK had a great line." Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." I would edit this slightly and state " ask not what the universe can do for you but what you can do for yourself and the universe." Let your flag of symbolism be your generosity, your openness, your kindness. With jubilation, celebrate your own personal independence from your darkness with fireworks of happiness, joy and peace. Whether it is the 4th of July or a different day, just remember that day as being your day of celebration, and enjoy it.

Wow what an amazing firework show you put on !!