Roadside assistance

Road side Assistance

Sigh.....This week has not been fun. It started off with an unexpected snow storm at the beginning of the week. Unpreparedness ruled and rocked the roads as drivers seemed to have forgotten how to drive in wintery NewEngland weather. I grant you that this is April and we had commemorated the  birth of spring with tulips and flowers in most of our back yards, with the visibility of green grass. Nevertheless my story began while driving slowly on a back road to work when I lost control of the car. I swerved into on coming traffic, sailed back into my lane and missed the first telephone pole. Only to then glide back into the on coming traffic lane and then float back to my lane missing the second telephone pole. Then I exceeded my own disbelief at my predicament and performed a 360 degree spin which then narrowly missed the car behind me, while I now effortlessly headed to the third telephone pole, which I did not unfortunately miss, and the right rear of the car banged into it gracefully. This managed to re-correct my course and heading back into my lane  and I proceeded to my originally intended destination as if nothing had ever happened. Perhaps I was watching all this on TV. It was surreal.  I was alive, shaken but not stirred. This is all in the context of hearing of the passing of my grandmother an hour prior to my accident. I am convinced that she was in the car with me during this unnecessary adventure in the car. Crazy ?yes. Doubtful ? No. She was my road side assistance. This got me thinking.

I face various troublesome or tiresome burdens on a regular basis. Clearly none of them as dramatic as the above described incident. They weigh heavily on me. Whether it is interactions with patients or with others as I try to solve all the problems that come my way. I am not always successful, yet really who is 100% of the time? Family disagreements, endless negotiating with a 4 year old, understanding friends, unsuccessful yet compassionate pacification of a 5 month old, making sense of irritating telephone marketeers, mountains of chores, and of course the continuous digging myself out of my day are just a few of the items that are on my unwritten agenda, excluding of course the written items ! I need help. Badly. So does everyone I know. Yet we all simply just take on our stressors on the roads of life and the roads with all their potholes wears us down. Engines fail, tires are damaged, and we end our lives with regret. Much of the time I enjoy the scenery on my road of life, yet sometimes the road comes up to meet me  as it recently did. A not so gentle reminder that I have to stop with the non sense and the petty smallness of my life and lead a more on purpose life. I need road side assistance. 

Roadside assistance is always at hand when I need it. This time it may have come from an unlikely source, yet it came nevertheless. Having not had my assist, I would have more than certainly had a worse outcome and per chance taken out a few people with me along with myself. Presence of mind and being mindful is one such assistance that I employ on my road of life. Another is the simple understanding and believing in the universe that is there for my support and good, it is called faith. Whether I believe in myself, or a grand old cosmic deity or the universe is not the point. The fact that I believe is enough. Believing and accepting is the key in activating my personal road side assistance which manifests as mindfulness of the present moment. 

I will face more challenges and obstacles in this life, I know this to be a fact. I am not trying to avoid them, I need to overcome them. I am glad that my roadside assistance was present with me during the beginning of the week, even if she manifested in this form. May she rest in peace. " Being present" is more than just a state of mind that is speculated as being unattainable. It is a valuable resource and necessity in staying alive. I think I can attest to this wholeheartedly today. 

Driving today? Have you checked that you have your roadside assistance with you? 

over correction

Over correction 

I once thought that this idea of over correction was a good one. To me it meant doing more, becoming better, pleasing others. Over correction or over compensation in all areas of life is tricky business. Before long I found myself so far over corrected that getting back to center was more work than I had ever originally anticipated.  It permeates throughout mind,  body, spirit and consciousness. How does this phenomenon work? And why do we over correct? It has taken me a long time to recognize this as an issue in my life. Once recognized, my play back to the center at least stood  a chance. If unchecked, who knows how long this process would have taken. 

It starts off with the ideal that I need to strive to become better. Human trait, genetically designed, and a valuable asset in evolutionary progression, of this there is no doubt. Nothing wrong with that. Yet it must be allowed to flourish under my guidance and my control, and not be forced by any body else. How does this play out, I often wondered? So imagine a scenario. Being told as a kid that perhaps I should do better at a particular activity. Let's say sports. "You need to do better... you are not going to get anywhere if you don't improve.... look your friends run faster and got medals..you should too....." These were typical things I heard growing up. No biggie. They sat in my mind like thorns and I tried and I tried to do better. Since it was not by my choice to do any better, yet being forced on me, I probably did not do as well. I over compensated, I strained harder, probably pulled muscles, got hurt and now I resented sports activities. I  over corrected. Numerous examples such as these have affected me. The little seed of being pushed grew and then later in life, I try to do better, or work harder in order to please that little voice from decades ago : "You need to do better... you are not going to get anywhere if you don't improve.... look your friends run faster and got medals you should too....." Now it is a weed of resentment and hate in the things that I thought would give me happiness are in fact to my surprise part of world I unintentionally created for myself. Hmmmm. Over corrected? I over compensate in everything I do. Whether it is shopping, eating,  work, play, hobbies etc. etc. The list goes on. Over purchase, over indulge, over work, over active....You can pretty much put the word "over" in front of anything and that would be the definition of little old me.  

Now let's rewind to the very moment this seed was planted. Imagine a different scenario. A time when I was doing sports activites yet not pushed to fulfill someone else's incomplete dreams, and be allowed to just enjoy the game for what it was. I am happier because I want to play the game. I strive to succeed because that was my choice. I choose to perfect myself in the game and I push myself to my fullest potential, ergo I max out my muscles, stamina and energy and evolve on my own terms. A once possible weed for a future result is now a flower of hope. I stayed in my center and grew. Not over compensating yet doing exactly what I was designed to do, evolve naturally.  I suspect much of our problems stem from being overcorrected. This overcorrection infiltrates literally every aspect of our mind, spirit, consciousness and body. We all do it. I do it constantly, the only difference is that I catch my self doing it....most of the time. The little voice over corrects me while I drive, while I sleep, while I walk, while I exercise, while I eat, while I do anything. It takes a lot of effort to replace that little voice with one of my own. " I move through my life at my own pace, and with my own freedom" 

Once aware of this, I discovered I could ease off the gas pedal of my  life and conduct myself with more respect towards myself and with even greater strides. I now evolve into a more efficient being. A more complete design. Not death gripping the bicycle handle as tight. Making less drastic over corrections with the motorcycle steering. Letting go of the very taught rope of the sail. Arriving at more rational and less impulsive decisions. Becoming less dismissive of peoples' problems. Enduring more compassion to the needs of others beyond those of my own.   Intentionally feeling the moment rather than regretting the loss of the present. Not mourning the past yet celebrating the future. Less running around like a mad hatter and more waltzing into the correct gear. The cure for over correcting is not undercorrecting. I would not expect myself to abandon any movement of activity and sit on the couch. That would be counter productive and invite a whole host of other negative situations. 

The cure is to be. Just be. I cannot go and evacuate ALL the seeds in my mind's garden as I do not know which will hurt me and become weeds nor which will benefit me and  flower. Recognize the pruning process and accept it. Change requires EXACT change, not over or under corrected change. 

Sometimes it is the subtle things that get me back into this realization. How do my hands feel after driving? Too tight? How does my jaw feel? Too much clenching? How do my feet feel? Too much stamping? How angry do I feel? Too much correction and holding back my voice? How many times am I not paying attention to anything around me? Too much sensory overload and over compensation? 

Recognize, React less, Return to center.... just a thought. 

How tight have you wound yourself up today? Over corrected? 

exercise, exercise, exercise

Exercise Exercise Exercise

I recently encountered a  set back that taught me a very valuable lesson. It gave me a lot to think about and momentary glimpses into what I could have, should have, and wanted to have done. I decided to go back into  vigorous exercising that I had initiated  more than a year go, after having not done any in a fairly long time . I had quickly reaped the rewards with excellent muscle build up, tone and physique appearance. Then the baby came along 4 months ago and everything stalled. Excuses galore imbedded themselves into my psyche. "I don't have enough time" " Oh if I go back to exercising now I am going to neglect my duties" " I am too tired" " oh if I only had  more time" This last one was funny for a chap who manages his time with furious productivity and streamlined efficiency. In any event, the rewards of NOT going to the gym were quickly realized as you might imagine, with the loss of all the above. Stamina, strength, tone, agility all turned into mush and I ended up with the core of an earth worm in the matter of 4 months. My folly had taken over my life. No more. I put away my mindsets and jumped right back in. Needless to say that pushing a car up a steep hill would probably have been easier. Work in progress. Enough said. Let's move on. 

This mindset of lack of exercise was more like a weed than anything else. It permeated through my consciousness with such rapidity that before I even awoke from my  stupor  I had other habits that had been corrupted, such as meditating, eating healthier, staying focussed and permeate a peaceful demeanor at all times. My mind, body and spirit had all been effected. Once I had interrupted my steadfast practice of meditation I was much a akin to a feather in the wind being tossed around in all directions with the slightest of breezes. No sooner had I fallen off the wagon of disciplined dietary control, all the toxicities that I had taken so much time to eliminate were back, and not just returned but more so back with a vengeance and tenacity of a ravenous animal. Alas I found my spirit floating around like a buoy in the vast ocean, just bobbing around staying afloat yet not going anywhere. 

Fed up once again at the total disarray of my three Selves I decided to get everyone back in line. I used the mantra "exercise, exercise, exercise." Each part of me had to work with this idea. Exercising the muscles of the body with regular gym participation strengthened the  body once more. Disciplined dietary control coupled with mindfulness helped aide the body's restorative efforts. Tireless efforts of regaining mental synchrony was the next exercise that my mind had to undertake. Regularly and a few minutes at a time of meditation and daily calm practices,   paid enormous dividend in the end.  With mind and body exercising away, my spirit could do little but gleefully join in with the exercising "kick." The mind, the consciousness, the spirit all need the same "exercise" of those individualized  muscles to keep them toned and active, and moreover strong. It is very easy to become complacent and weaken all my efforts in a very short period of time. 

Agreeable that I cannot let this happen again ( which it probably will but that's ok) I continue to keep exercising my mind, my body, and my spirit regularly. The  local gym is where I exercise my body. A quiet spot each day is where I exercise my mind. The universal source is where I exercise my spirit. Exercising is hard work. Yet even harder if I fall off the wagon. Better not fall off this time is my thought. Falling off, getting back in sync, and falling off again and getting back in sync  is all just a part of a cyclical showdown of experiences I call life. Whether you are an expert or whether I am a novice, it has no bearing. What matters at least to me is that I keep these wheels of exercise moving.

Have you paid up your gym membership? Have you quietened and controlled your mind? Have you reconnected to your spirit yet? If not, keep exercising. If yes, KEEP EXERCISING. 

Not another selfie

Not another selfie

Click click click. A picture of myself is taken. I post it just as fast on a social media network or send it to someone by email or text. In this world of super fast and ever faster evolving  technology I am sucked into the vortex of instant gratification through emails, texts, messenger apps on my mobile device yet so too is my ability to share my "feelings" and my "moment"with the world with a press, push or tap of a button on my phone. I can also use apps such as Skype, Tango, Fb and a whole host of others to not only to create selfie shots but bring my friends from across the world into my live moment via video chat and instant sharing. This ability has exploded to a total state of madness. I take shots where ever I go and during whatever I am doing.  I whip out my camera phone so fast that even the fastest  gun slinger in the West would have been awed. I  sometimes forget even why or even when I was in that moment. These selfies have taken a life of their own.They occur with friends, with family, with trees, with happy moments, and with moments I do not even remember occurred etc. etc. They pretty much document my entire existence. Thank fully I am in these pictures of life, since I was beginning to wonder if even I exist or if these moments are just a figment of my imagination. 

I find myself at an impasse. What am I doing? And why am I doing it? The obsession of recording my life moments comes with ease partly because of the facile technology that is at my fingertips. In olden days you would have to rely on your memory for your selfie moments, and the memories of others who shared these times with you. The digital age has made things easier for me that thinking and remembering is no longer second nature. It is so easy to " google" anything right from my symptoms and what treatment I should pursue to the automatic 'suggestions' at the corner of my screen hinting to me of what I should eat !  However I often wonder at times at what expense do I owe to this new age of ones and zeros. I have to pause and ask whether I am taking the picture of self to chronologically document my life's moment and experience or am I really doing it to show to someone else that I am having a great time, ergo they are probably not. This is a big distinction. The first option is myself taking a picture rather the second is my ego taking the picture. If I choose to share the selfie my ego is  essentially saying " look at me I am awesome.... and secretly I hope you are jealous," otherwise why else would I share the picture. If I take a picture and never share it, then it may be truly for self preservatory motives. However let us be serious, who really has the time to just take pictures for their album when the button of  "share" is sitting right in front of me and is one tap away from going viral. 

I must admit it is very hard for me to make this separation. It forces me to face feelings of Self and ego that are too difficult and too painful especially when my Ego takes hold. On the receiving end of these selfies from others I must admit the pangs of irritability do raise their heads and gnaw at me. All sorts of hidden subconscious feelings emerge. " Why are they having so much fun and why can't I ?" " It must be so nice to be rich to enjoy that meal or vacation etc...." " He must be doing well to be doing that..." " She has a lot of time on her hands...I wish I had time too...." And so on and so forth, the questions and the ego driven answers of envy, jealousy, bitterness, frustration and anger are all dancing away in the background. Sinister as it may sound, my psyche is not the  only one that does this. Yours does it too. Constantly. This is actually quite normal and in some fashion even healthy. I am human. You are human. We are human. The key for me is to understand the distinction of my choice, and choose wisely. So now I use selfies as a means to an end or moreover as a tool to deliver a particular message. 

I believe if I pause before the act of sending the selfie, I become more aware of the act of what I am doing. I can then choose to share it or not. The more aware I become of these choices, I can then pause before the selfie is taken. In doing so I am now able to decide for whom this picture is being taken. Self or Ego? If the latter, I now use my will power to avoid taking the picture. By no means am I saying that you do not use your GoPro, or mobile device to take pictures of self, just make sure it is the true Self you capture in the photo and not the ego. I find my pictures are better and are valued more when the Self emerges to have its photo captured versus the automatic pursed lips version of my Ego. 

Cheese !! , your Self came out for that Selfie !!

darn that autocorrect

Darn that Autocorrect !!

I was sending a text the other day to a friend. I typed it exactly how I thought it was supposed to be phrased and hit send. Moments later I get a reply back with a somewhat angry tone. Surprised yet taken back I responded back in kind with a little harshness. My reply was met with more retaliation.  Needless to say that this escalated till finally I paused and looked back to see what had I written originally that was so wrong or misconstrued since my intention was never other than polite. I discovered to my horror that the text that I had written had been automatically  changed to something quite out of the ordinary. This is what had originally fueled all the miscommunication. I quickly informed my friend that it was the "autocorrect" that had actually changed everything around and not to take offense. We calmed down, took a break from texting and then laughed it all off in subsequent texts. I have since turned off that "Autocorrect" feature of my phone. I am sure this feature has revealed funny "corrections", rude misnomers, or even blatant incoherent sentences. Originally designed to help speed up communication,  it hinders most of the time, not unlike my everpresent ego.

My intentions are usually clear and robustly ready to be delivered to another, yet  when my ego seems to be the filter, it autocorrects the intention to something that eventually is so distorted, that the intention behind it is lost. Giving a gift to someone just for an example. My intention is selfless, pure and the act of giving is clear. My ego autocorrects it to : Well he never gave me anything, or she won't even appreciate it so why bother, or this gift is too good for them and they don't deserve it.... And on and on. End result: forget giving any gift to anyone. Yet another example, I choose to eat a piece of delicious cake. Clear, precise, intent to enjoy is stated. The ever present autocorrect "ego" steps in with : the cake will make you overweight don't eat it, or it's probably not that tasty so don't bother, or you don't deserve anything good so you shouldn't eat it. End result : My wanting to try something nice is left with the negative encounter of never even having been experienced it !! 

My autocorrect is driven by numerous programs. Fear, biases, borrowed mindsets,  prejudices and ignorance are just a few of these programs. It is not until I switch off my ego driven responses that I will actually attain more clear, coherent and appropriately transmitted ideas, thoughts and revolutions towards another individual. How do I help in changing myself or the world  if I dare, if I cannot change the autocorrect feature that stops the flow of my true nature of Self. I meditate when I can. I stay mindful when I can. I have faith when I can. Hopefully enough of these will overwrite the autocorrect program in my genetic makeup to allow me the opportunity to project my true statements and make the changes that I choose to see. A conversation is not unidirectional. Perhaps if others work on their autocorrected egos then perhaps just maybe we ALL have a chance at seeing the world the way we choose to live in, and the world that we are forced to live in with our autocorrect feature in full function. Thoughts generate conversations. Conversations breed ideas. Ideas instigate change. Change enables revolution. Revolution  blooms happiness.  In history some revolutions were not good, true. However were the thoughts behind them all pure, clear, and beneficent, or were they autocorrected with oversized egos that fueled  thoughts of hate, distorted with greed, and were maleficent. 

You must have been an adamant creature..... (Autocorrected)

You must never have the autocorrect feature.. ( what I was trying to say )

Abundance, it is just not enough

Abundance, it is just not enough

If I only had more time then I would be able to accomplish so much more in my day. If I only had more money then I would have the financial freedom to really live my life. If I only had more health and energy I would be able to exercise and change my life style. If only people would like or love me then I could be something more than I am. These are phrases that I hear all the time, and not just from people I meet or know, yet also from my own subconscious. I am certainly not devoid of these voices. 

When I feel I need more time I find that a slight shift in thinking gets me just that. So during a vacation for example, when I have all the time in the world to be free to do anything I choose to do ( within the confines of all the  family things I have to do hahaha), I find that out of a week long vacation, it is in fact the 6th or 7th day I wakeup and actually decide to do anything that I in fact need to do. This eventually leads to the frustration of not having enough time for chores or restful vacation, hence leading to more negative emotions, in other words craving for a vacation from my vacation ! Similarly, the concept of lack of enough money. The more money I have, the more I will automatically spend. The less I have the more negative emotions that ensue that I do not have enough, and " only if I had enough money then I could.... this or that." Once again the lack of abundance idea resurges when I feel that I need to be in better shape or eat better BEFORE I can start to exercise or live healthier. This will never happen, trust me on this one. Thousands of excuses from unrelenting mindsets will rear their ugly heads to tell me that I now need the time to exercise (which I do not have) or the money to join the gym or eat healthier (that is in scarcity)  and the cycle continues as I then one day  find myself sitting on the couch, glued to a TV, becoming more de-conditioned, living a life of unfulfilled dreams, and then my ego says " I TOLD YOU, this wasn't enough" 

Limiting thoughts have limiting results. We all rely on others to make us happy, such that we forget that unconditional love for  another will boomerang back to ourselves if we let it go. How can a baseball player ever hope to win a game if they never hit the ball with the bat? I try to catch my self with these mindsets  all the time. It is hard, I know, I get it. I realized that it was not having a value attached to the concept of abundance that was part of my problem. If I were immortal and had all the time in the universe, I would do and learn absolutely nothing. If I had all the money in the world I would spend it all and still whine about not having enough. If I had all the resources available to me to change my lifestyle for diet and exercise, I would never do it ( as is clearly evident of the totally unused complete gym in my basement). 

My change came when I let go. I just let go. Stopped chasing time, money, and health. Stopped chasing chores "that had to get done", stopped "trying" to make people like me  by impressing them.  I just stopped. I was almost expecting that I would stop living. Almost. To my surprise, just the reverse manifested. I use whatever "time I have" to do whatever it is I feel that I need to do, be they chores or be they family time or be they experiences. I am often asked how do you pack all that I do in one day? I honestly don't know. I just do. Not chasing helps. Liberates me from wasted energy. It is about trying to achieve freedom through time, money, health or whatever I "believe" is necessary for me to achieve that freedom. Yet this too is a self limiting prophecy as none of these things will actually get me to freedom that I so desperately seek in my mind's eye. The ultimate freedom is from mindsets. Those unintentionally created in youth by anyone for example parents, peers, teachers, passerby's. Any limiting mindsets that have hooked on to me need to be detached. 

My solution is simple. Just do it. Every day do a little of the things your heart desires. Whether I want to learn an instrument, eat healthier, start exercising, read those stack of books, tackle a mountain of sorting of cupboards. I tackle each thing with the firm belief that I  have just the right amount of time and resources to help me. Gratitude for the abundance that I have at this time, perpetuates it for the next moment. The vast universe came from an infinitely tiny point as if from a grain of sand.  Imagine how small the universe would have been if it had said " I will never be big enough" !!

Scarcely abundant or abundantly scarce. My choice. 

Keeping up with the joneses

Keeping up with the Joneses

The holidays are all finally over. I look outside my window and discover the enormous work that is still tasked ahead of me. Taking down all the decorations of lights, inside and outside, the christmas tree, the mistletoe, the tabletop plantations of fake gold and silver leaves, and the stockings. Take down, wrap up, package it and put it all away. Hours spent before and after. Enjoying the festivities is one thing yet trying to tally  up with the neighborhood record keeping score of decoration is yet another matter. 

Spring is coming and so is the summer. Out then comes the lawn mower, the weed whackers, the hedge trimmers, the edge trimmers and a whole host of indescribable lawn equipment from my shed that I have never used and clearly do not know how to use.  Probably my nose hair trimmer as well just to make sure the lawn is perfectly finely cut at every corner !! Hours and hours spent yet  again creating a perfect lawn as is the case in most of the lawns in the neighborhood. Keeping up with neighbors is turning into hard work. 

Once the fall season begins, the insane race to clean up every fallen leaf begins. Sometimes with such efficiency that I try to even capture the leaf as it departs from the branch in mid air. To be more productive, just cut the tree down !! Must beat the neighbors from cleaning up their lawns before me, now that would be ridiculous. Of course at this point I am being quite facetious. I wonder if I were to ever keep up with mySelf would I be able to achieve the same satisfaction and joy that keeping  up with the  neighbors brings?

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, such that it can never be satiated.  The unfortunate reality about this level of "keeping up" becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The more I try, the more I  will not succeed, and I try harder. The cycle s self perpetuating till self destruction occurs. Mental and physical exhaustion is the end result that leads to resentment of all. Where does this competition end ? What are its boundaries? Does the thirst to be better with another end in my neighborhood or do I then challenge myself to "keep up" with outside neighborhood friendships, or with family members or time myself against the "better life experiences" of others on social media. Do I take this to the next level and compete with circles at the work place too? Where does this keeping up with appearances end? 

I find that always being on high alert and vigil of observing everything around me,  I am inherently becoming more exhausted. When I let go of this tiresome activity of comparison and competition  and  am more cognizant of my emotions, feelings and thoughts, I find more peace. It is not competing on the outside that is as important as is keeping up with my  own personal internal maintenance, or my  own inner decoration or celebration. With practice I find that I am getting more efficient and productive in keeping up with mySelf than with the Joneses. Perhaps by improving my mindsets, I automatically improve my efficiency in all that I do on the outside as well.  

Keeping up with the Joneses? I think not, let the Joneses keep up with me.