The dates in between

The Dates in between

1/27/1756 - 5/12/1791  Mozart

10/25/1881 -4/8/1973 Picasso

2/11/1847-10/18/1931 Edison

We are all born and we all will die. For most of us our birth is a great hurrah ! ( mostly for our parents) and the date of death is a mournful one to those we leave behind. I am  here for only a limited time. I know the date of my birth and perhaps on some deep spiritual level I also know the date of my expected departure. For some we remember their last date on the planet as perhaps it was associated with a catastrophic event or unexpected tragedy. Yet I wonder at times not so much of my own personal end date on this planet, yet moreover my time in between and how to spend it. If I knew the date I perhaps would make more of a conscious effort towards working harder, learning more, helping others, playing more, having a lot more fun, in other words being present in the moment. 

I find that the average person I meet on a regular  basis spends most of the time talking about the progression of their day with disdain or irreverence. Yet I do come across many who are genuinely happy about their day and life in general. My time here is limited, I have known this for a long time, yet it was not until the last few years I have been really making a more effort to live an on purpose life. I have always filled my life with infinite things to do, to read, to write, to learn, to explore, to try out, hobbies to keep me occupied. It was always a very focussed and target oriented existence. Nothing wrong with that. In fact many would say " Well man what more do you want ? That's like everything you could imagine." True, but not quite. Gaining mastery in numerous things is one thing, gaining mastery of myself is a whole other experience. 

Embracing  my purpose and  connecting to my true Self has given me the momentum to cherish my "now" and all the days that have yet to come with great vigor and enthusiasm. I am not afraid of the date of expiration on this body, yet like a fine wine I have a lot of aging and maturing to do before my cork is "popped" Then what I leave behind is a trail of refreshing breaths that will help to serve and not harm mankind. Each day can be filled with moments of connection. Enveloped with compassion I try to bring forth better experiences that will fill my dates in between with connected beads of love, understanding and hope on this amazing string of life. 

march 1975- present,  Nitin...

a life filled with experiencing every amazing thing, met with every spectacular person, every single divine time. 

Write your own little date of birth- present, name.... and a little note about how YOU choose to live your date in between.

Allergies

Allergies

The painful season is back. I have no choice but to face it each day. Sneeze, cough, blow nose, mop up watery eyes, and repeat several times.Tissue boxes get emptied and energies drained from all these shenanigans. Every year, the allergies get worse and as the season varies so does my incompatibility with these different botanical  components. It is quite ridiculous. Allergic to my own natural habitat ? Who would have thought of such a thing to be even possible. Yet it is. I face it each day along with countless others. This got me thinking as most of these situations do. I am just having a hard time dealing with my external environment and allergic to the outside world, a bodily chemical reaction. 

However what about all the other elements that I am allergic to internally? Negativity, prejudice, hatred, jealousy are all various similar botanical components that I am allergic to. Instead of spluttering, coughing and sneezing, I have other symptoms such as  anxiety, frustration and panic attacks. These may even further manifest as misplaced anger towards a coworker, or family member. I lash out in all these different ways as these are being fueled by misinterpreted signals of an allergic reaction. I can try to suppress all these feelings of negative enhanced thoughts and pretend they do not exist, like my delusion that this year my allergies are not going to erupt. Yet when they do, I must face up to them. So too I must face the reality of these feelings. Allergy to the internal is just as potent to the allergy to the external. The question is do I suppress both with medication and ignorance or do I deal with the internal and external incompatibilities.

The external allergy is easy. Begin the desensitization  process not with steroids or the sheer craziness of going full on into the allergic environment and reacting to everything. One method is having small doses of local honey from local bees. You do not see bears sneezing all spring season long. I wonder why. Desensitized ? Slowly yet surely allergies to the external pollen from trees, flowers, bushes etc will subside.   I am working on this. Stay tuned.

The internal allergy to negative feelings is a lot harder to manage but can be done so in a  similar step wise approach. Facing up to the fact that there is a problem is the first part in diagnosing that there is in fact an allergy. Plucking away at prejudices, biases and judgements that lead to negative emotional states that explode into anger, hatred, jealousy and then outright outbursts kind of like a sneeze yet more internal is hard work but doable . Understanding the origins of these harsh pollinating seeds of non positive feelings is my answer to releasing them. Once found they do not seem to have their hold on me any more. Perhaps it was something that someone once said decades ago, a mindset was created and a prejudicial seed was planted. This flourished over the years in to now a terrific weed. The external environments helped harvest these negative seeds in to plants of terror and the only reaction now as they pollinate is a manifestation of anger, anxiety and panic as I am unable to handle my overwhelming reaction to it all. The weed of hate perpetuates its pollen and the cycle continues till no end, or at least until I decide to handle my allergies.

 In my opinion, meditation and reflection of the origins of these issues are the treatments. The cure lies in the desire within one self to conquer these states. Just because I have allergies to my external environment does not mean I just blame  everything on the allergy and give up. So too for the internal allergies manifesting as anger and anxiety. Mixed in with a healthy medicinal dose of compassion towards my Self, I find symptom relief and  a better allergy free environment in which to roam. Inhaling the fresh air is as good for my lungs, as it is inhaling cleaner thoughts for my spirit and conciousness. 

Cured? Not yet? I am working on this. Stay tuned. But join me for a day out in the sun, allergy free. It is worth breath-taking. 

Being a bright light bulb

Being a bright light bulb

I have always been curious about the cartoon of the boy with the light bulb above his head, depicting the "idea" or "eureka" concept. The creation of the modern day light bulb was in itself one of the greatest human inventions. Who invented the light bulb is up to a lot of debate and yet many are given credit for it. That is not however what I am interested in. Yet I have also been curious about  looking into the lit light bulb. Have you done it?  Blinding isn't it!!  The light dissipates throughout an entire room, leaving no part unlit. The more powerful the bulb the more of the darkness is dispelled. In the absence of light there is only darkness. There is no in between. It is absolute. If you take laser light however a very different approach occurs. It is very focussed beam of light and VERY BLINDING yet it shines in a straight line towards its target. It does not dispel any darkness except that what interrupts its path. It can shine concomitantly within the darkness occurring side by side. This got me thinking as many of these odd situations do.

A light bulb's energy is dissipated in all directions as far as its energy can project. Continuous  stream    of electrons and light energy perform this action. A laser beam is comprised of even higher intensity focussed light energy yet cannot perform this similar light bulb action. How does this phenomenon apply to me? When I fully embrace my Self I shine as bright as a light bulb. I dissipate compassion, unconditional love and connection in every direction. 360 degrees in all directions of a sphere. Bold, bright, and powerful. I shine bright and dispel the darkness that is around me. I dispel the darkness within  me. Fears, hate, anger, jealousy, envy and greed are all various facets of the darkness that I choose to block out. Flicker, Flicker off. Oh dear my bulb is off. I need to be able to keep light energy stronger and longer lasting. I need a more powerful source to charge my bulb. Faith, courage and surrender to the moment of now are all the ingredients I need to maintain my bulb's brightness and longevity. 

A laser's light is unidirectional and only outgoing. As bright as it may be it is still limited. If my focus is so intense on something I can create that laser light. If however the ingredients are not in the correct proportion it can be too intense and harmful when it  reaches its target. Too much of a unidirectional intensity of energy good or bad is usually destructive. If I love too much without reason I can smother someone. If I hate too much I can destroy someone. So this is not the light I seek. Even a candle has the amazing gift of the light bulb yet limited in its source, in other words candle wax burns off. A light from an oil lamp has more longevity yet it too will eventually die out when the wick burns off or the oil is not renewed. I am working on a brighter renewable non depleting Universal  Source of energy mixed in with compassion and  love so I may connect to my world with the brightness and freedom that it deserves. 

I am trying to be as bright as the sun, not there yet.. but soon... :)

Gong goes the meditation bell

GONG !! goes the meditation bell

So  I have this meditation bell programmed into my phone that goes off every 15 minutes through out the day. It just helps me readjust to my center and connect with my Source and universe for a split second. I am invariably taken by surprise which tells me two things. Firstly how lost in my world of materially manifested craziness I really was to the point that I did not even realize that time had passed between "gongs." Secondly, how important it is to be centered and how easy it is to fall  in and out of my connections. Yet what was really wild was the response that others around me had to the ringtone and the vibration of the melodious soothing and spiritually recharging sound.

 Here are a few examples of the responses.  One person thought it reminded him of the bell in boxing. ROUND 1 , ROUND 2 YOU ARE UP.... It was not surprising to learn that in a prior occupation growing up he was a pro boxer. His mind had been conditioned to this kind of response. Every time the gong of the bell went off he became hyper vigil and alert and ready. Heart rate probably went up, pupils dilated and he was ready for action. Another person kept thinking it was time for lunch. Perhaps being conditioned to the school bell at lunch time from her old school days. Yet another would be irritated at the sound. Probably thinking " this crazy guy and his noisy  bell" Regardless of the response no one really joined in to connect with me to their source or to the universe.  Everyone is conditioned to vibrate at the frequency of their choice at that particular state of mindset. We all vibrate at different frequencies of sound as we oscillate up and down different energy levels. If we are made of energy, then it is a rational idea that we will be effected by different energies, kind of like ripples in a pond. Energies transfer from one person to another and throughout the universe at all levels and through all living things. 

Feelings are also energy manifestations that are transmitted. Feelings are action and reaction. What to one person is one feeling may be entirely different to another's feelings even with the same stimulus, especially if that is the gong of a bell trying to help you center. Some may find it peaceful and engage in meditative practice and others might veer away from it as it throws off their "version of being centered". If I walk into a room and during the course of time I am engaging with peoples' conversations that are becoming excessively heated or argumentative and negative, I have felt an overpowering need to leave the room. After much deliberation I have come to realize that when I am engaged in talking negatively or hearing negative discussions I must walk away. Perhaps you have felt it too. It is the permeation of negative energy that does it. And if you are not of the same make up of that energy or it overwhelms you then you are repelled by it.  So following through with this idea, it only goes to show that if feelings of negativity can have a dramatic impact on someone what if I change my own frequency to a different more positive intense one.  I have "felt" this in the presence of others who are exceedingly calm. I am sure you have felt it too when you walk into an old chapel or cathedral where the aura of 1000s of positive souls have passed. I immediately feel more relaxed and in touch with something more that just the spirit of mySelf. 

I now will try to be more compassionate, understanding and loving. I intend to transmit this energy like a light bulb in all directions. My own experiment is underway in sending out as much of higher intensity energetic frequency I can muster. I am my own GONG ! Some may like this frequency, some may not. Energy transfer is absolute, and at this point in our lives a necessity if dealing with positive energy. 

Have you centered to the sound of your own spiritual gong? 

Pushing that boulder uphill

Pushing that boulder

Push, stop, push, stop, push, rest. At times life feels like pushing a big large boulder uphill. That is also what I hear most frequently when I ask " How are you doing?" The response is " Still alive,pushing that rock uphill !" Well, I must declare that that statement is quite awe inspiring and has been buried in my sub conscious for a long time. It became my preferred response for many years. Moreover the more I said it, the more it became a reality. Life became a giant chore. Instead of all my daily necessary yet mundane chores and commitments being fillers in my day, they took over and became the objects of my day and the important priorities such as meditation, exercising, personal growth, more personal communication ( to name but a few) became the fun sprinkles of cinnamon on my otherwise cold stale brewed coffee of my day.  I had to come up with a different model. So I did. 

I changed the size and shape of the boulder. That's it. Simple. Actually it was that simple. I reshaped my chores to the most necessary and brought it down into a manageable, tidier structure. It has been a long time held belief that attempting to move a square shaped boulder is harder to move than a spherical shaped boulder is to revolutionize on a level surface, let alone up a hill. ( Hence the bicycle wheels are round and not square). Now reduce the size of it and now you do not need the army of help that the Pharaohs once did in Ancient Egypt while transporting large structures.   Well that's all  very fine and dandy one might think, yet how do you do it? Transpose the priorities. I  listed all the things that are really important to me, and planned my day AROUND them. In other words chores became the fillers once more. I can not escape chores. Whether I am just me, a king, or the poorest man in the world, chores will remain. A king may have numerous commitments of holding court, deciding matters of state, visiting other heads of state etc. These are all necessary duties. He may not have to clean his own toilet but he is not just sitting around doing nothing which he may desire to do. His personal priority might be learning something new like music or art. Chores or duties will interfere with this ambition, yet they do not have to. The poorer man might have stresses of work, finances, home activities and basic necessities. His priority is probably consumed with these stressors yet his important priority might be just to be happy. Filling his day with more mindfulness and moments of quiet reflection can help him find this goal.

 It is not black or white, "everything is a shade of grey" I understand that, yet the boulder does not know that. It just is and has to be moved. Life's duties are just there and they need to be moved. Yet sometimes I find that I am so "in my head" that I fail to realize that things can be simple and can be simplified even further. It is a question of whether I choose to make the chores or the important purposes to be  the priority, and I do that by reshaping and resizing the boulder. I do not think it will mind.   So I transposed the chores with my soulful goals or purposes. The focus on the latter and not the former helped put things into perspective, like what is current my position on the uphill slope ?was it a level surface and had I not noticed that the ground had shifted ?Things like am I stronger to be able to push my boulder?  did I need to push my boulder ?, or until recently am I really even pushing a boulder or is it really all in my head loaded with fears ?. The boulder concept became my fear and to serve it, I obsessed with the silliest of chores and made them into a priority. The boulder ruled my life and I was chained to it. No more. 

My purpose on this planet is on the top of my list. It is sewn together with good intentions and goals of ideals that I would like to cultivate. Compassion, healing, non judgment are the pillars. Things that I want to really pursue and learn in life are the priorities. Rest of the necessary chores of daily living are there and must be fulfilled yet I am not going to obsess over them. When I fall under the pressure of the rock or boulder I am forced to change. I am at that precipice now. My goal is to make my boulder as small as I can make it so that it fits into my pocket. Just heavy enough for me to know that it is there,yet not big enough for it to overwhelm me. 

Do you have your hammer and chisel? Ready to reshape and make your boulder in life smaller?

Rock climbing

Rock climbing

My son and I have started doing a regular sport and exercise of rock climbing. For now we go to a local rock gym and scale their mighty and cleverly placed wall mounts with and without ropes. Initially I used to think that there was no way I could do this, yet gradually over the course of practice I was able to do it. Interestingly I never seem to take the exact sequence of steps when I climb. I am always going upward yet many a time I find myself having to go back down  a step or two and redirecting my climb to my goal. Few steps back for more leaps forward and upward. Granted as I get stronger I am able to do this with more ease and grace. Not there yet, but getting there. Sometimes my climb appears lateral and sometimes more vertical as intended. I am always thankful for my belay  person ( the one who handles the ropes and the braking from the ground) to help me when I do fall or let go, as they catch me quickly as I dangle mid air before my next maneuver. This got me thinking....

Life is not unlike rock  climbing. I continue to traverse my vertical terrain as I would all the various obstacles in my life, as challenges to be overcome. I struggle, I falter, I redirect. Sometimes I do have to take a few steps down and then have to  re-chart another course to the top. Sometimes the course means taking a few steps laterally. Sometimes a lot more laterally, until I am stronger enough to get back on the vertical track. The course is never the same, just like the challenges are never the same. Firm footing in whatever position I am in whether feet or hands are paramount as I launch to the next obstacle. My life is no different than that of others. Filled with daily interruptions I have to navigate my day till the very end. I try desperately to get a few more chores, or more activities or just a few more connections in before I retire for the night. Some days I am not ready to climb, I take a day of rest. Some days I re-chart and have redirect my steps constantly. Always looking for that peaceful "me time" I find that the journey to the top is just that, "me" time. The quiet focus of mind and body while rock climbing is the constant duel of my mind and body in daily practice. The solitude of rock climbing is similar to my focussing on my tasks for the day. At times I have to pull away from the rock wall in mid climb as I am fatigued.The belay catches me. The same holds true for the universe. I try, I try, I try some more and then I try yet some more, I am fatigued and push away, and the universe catches me in my moments of fatigue. Briefly rested I continue the climb. I try yet again. 

My life seems to be all about this rock wall. Climb to the top, yet do not be discouraged if it does not happen in that one sitting. That is what tomorrow is for.  Secured to my belay ropes I am safe and protected with the ropes of the universe, namely faith and courage. I keep focussed with my attention towards the top, and I climb. Higher and higher I go, requiring yet even more strength as gravity and the weight of life and my problems try to drag me down. Security and confidence in my footing helps my exercising adventure. Knowing my identity and being confident with it helps me navigate my wall of life. Not being present in the moment can make me trip and fumble and fall. It makes for a better experience when I do stay in the moment, after all that is what makes the rock climb and my journey through  life worth it and exciting. 

Rock climbing? Check your ropes and just climb, never look down or look back. 

Emoticons

Emoticons ;)

I really love this little invention. The smiley face at the end of a text message or an email or some form of digital communication has suddenly exploded to literally millions of symbols. If I count every language in which an emoticon has been made,  including the English language,  I probably  will be very surprised as to the variety of expressiveness that we are capable of using. And the list continues to grow each day. Perhaps just as fast as we are understanding our emotions, a different emoticon or emoji is added to the huge dictionary of Emoticons that are listed. Every color, religion, emotional face that has been humanly made is out there literally for every  occasion too. Birthdays, anniversaries, happy days, sad days, achievements, feeling blah?, feeling happy ! Feeling confused. The list is endless.

In the "old" days of using a phone, I would express my emotions with words to the person at the other end of the phone. When I used to write letters on paper (yes I am dating myself) then I would use words to express my thoughts. In this current fast paced era of digital communication where the emotion, thought, idea has to be communicated  instantly, I find myself using shorthand texting language. Accidentally I use it in speech too. Yet no email or text message is complete without an emoticon. Interestingly if I try sending the same message without and then with the emoticon I have noticed a difference in response. If I have an angry emoticon :(  I also get back an angry response. If I send a happy :) response I get back a happier and more compliant response. SO the emoticon is basically my feelings being transmitted with the message that I choose to deliver without me ever having to see another human face or shaking another human hand. 

It is a long time held understanding by many psychologists that communication is  not just transmitted by words. Eye movement and direction of gaze, body language, body shifting, tone of discussion, volume of discussion, hand gestures etc are all  non verbal forms of communication that are transmitted during a  verbal conversation. Emoticons have replaced all that !! The frequency that I transmit has been replaced by symbols or mini digital works of art at the end of a sentence. There is now no need for me to meet, greet or communciate with another human being either in person or video chat, as long as my sentence is completed by my "perceived emoticon". The only caveat is that I must be absolutely clear in what I am writing and expressing with the right emoticon. Well that is where the rub lies, isn't it? Effective and clear communication is not our strong suit when we meet someone anyway. That is the reason why when we are on a "date" we desperately try to communicate our thoughts to the other person, yet not always effectively. We leave behind many emotions in the conversation, and it is upto the artful conversationer to pick up the subtle clues. Is he interested in me? Is she flirting with me?  Where do we go from here? etc etc We hold back out of fear. I hold back out of insecurity. You hold back out of confusion. All subtle energetic clues are woven into the verbal and nonverbal communication. Now however a different story ensues. .. no need for speech, just find the right emoticon and I am all set. The problem is I cannot always find the right one. And so my emotion is only partly transmitted, or at least as close to as I can get it. Perhaps a smile with one tear, because I cannot fully really express that I am sad, but I want to show compassion. Perhaps a smile with my tongue out, because I cannot find the right emotion to express my frustration coupled with confusion and fear. 

My emoticon is not clear enough as there is no emoticon to express what I myself do not choose to fully express. Clarity is hard to in vibe when my own mind is full of confusion. Clarity is hard to express when my heart is bubbling with emotions. Clarity is hard to present to another when my mind,  spirit and consciousness is not in sync. Clarity is hard to nail down into a true emotion as I have not even scratched the surface of the depths of my own spirit. Moreover it is my emotion and last I checked it is someone else making all these emoticons and emojis, which means since no one really understands ME, I do not even have an emoticon to tell my tale of joy or woe. I have played with emoticons quite extensively. In fact, lined up these little symbols in a "sentence" to see if my "emotions" could be expressed even more effectively without any words. Alas the interpretation was vast and varied depending on who read them. My true story and how I felt was lost. Unfortunately this is the same when I, you, we verbalize my, your or our thoughts. We have digitalized pretty much everything else in our lives. The  endeavor to undertake the same task with our emotions  is clearly in full swing. It does however leave something to be desired. The human element is always missing and can never be eliminated. 

I guess I am going to have to talk to you in person after all, and you will have to do the same with me, well at least until they invent an emotional robot to replace us both... :) ;) lmao lol